How To Learn To Trust And Open Up Again
We have all experienced pain and hurt at some point in our lives. Everyone has at least had their trust compromised, putting you in a difficult situation, wondering if you can trust and open up again.
Rebuilding trust can be difficult after it has been compromised or broken. Weighing in on the offense, it may feel nearly impossible to convince yourself that you can trust someone again. However, the opposite is true. Research shows that you can trust anyone with practice and the right circumstances.
It is not to say that the process will be easy. But despite how challenging this process can be, just know that you are not alone in the journey of learning to trust and opening up again. Read on for some helpful tips for building trust after a painful experience.
Consider The Reason Behind The Betrayal Or Lie
When someone has been lying to you, you will hardly pay attention to the reasons behind it. Instead, you will only focus on the lie.
Remember that sometimes people lie because they have no idea what else to do. While this does not make their choices right, it can make you consider how you would have reacted in a similar position.
Your friend or partner may have lied or betrayed you to protect themselves, with a different motive. Maybe they were trying to make the best of a bad money situation, or they were trying to shield you from bad news. Sometimes, it could be because they were trying to help a family member.
The betrayal may have resulted from a misunderstanding or miscommunication. Whatever the reason was, it is best to clarify that what they did was not right. But knowing the reason for their deeds will help you decide whether you can rebuild the trust you once shared.
Embrace Vulnerability
As humans, our greatest strengths entail being vulnerable. We usually think that we would be risking a lot by putting ourselves in vulnerable situations, but that is not true.
If you confine yourself and fail to go out and take risks, you may miss out on the joys of life too. It will be messy, but it has to be for it to be worth living.
Hiding or being protective may be a good idea, but it does not discriminate between negative and positive feelings. A life that guarantees a lack of betrayal also guarantees a lack of love. To love is to trust someone with all your heart.
You can practice emotional vulnerability in a safe setting. You can choose to talk to a friend or close family member and be open about your feelings.
You may trust them one-sidedly, but opening up genuinely exhibits this. It also enforces the belief that trust is good, and you can learn to trust and open up again.
Practice Forgiveness
Forgiveness is important. While you may not ideally forgive those that hurt you, at least learn to forgive yourself.
It is normal to blame yourself for letting others hurt you. You might even consider yourself foolish for letting it happen and not knowing better.
Despite it all, you must remember that you were brave enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable in the first place. Avoid blaming yourself for someone else’s actions.
You acted out of good intentions and held up your end of the relationship. Besides, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. You tried to the best of your knowledge to make yours work. Do not tell yourself otherwise. Learn to forgive yourself.
Be True to Yourself and Follow with Actions
Rebuilding trust requires making and keeping those promises. The point of trusting again is for the offenders to believe what you say.
You should always keep your word to show them your expectations for future interaction. This way, they know better than to repeat the mistake. As a result, they will treat you with respect, enhancing trust in the process.
Quit Dwelling in The Past
Once you have thoroughly examined the betrayal, it is always best to bury the issue. This means avoiding it in future arguments.
Also, you will want to ease on regularly checking in on your partner to ensure they will not lie to you again. This will be hard at first. You will have difficulty forgetting the betrayal and find it challenging to trust your partner again, especially when you are worried about another betrayal.
However, when you choose to give the relationship another chance, you also choose to trust your friend or partner again. You may not trust them entirely and immediately, but at least you will be giving trust a chance to grow.
If you constantly have misgivings about your partner’s future faithfulness or honesty or thinking about what happened, professional help is necessary. However, these signs could also imply that you are not ready to give the relationship a second chance.
Give it Time
Betrayal is not an easy undertaking. To heal a broken heart and regain trust requires skills and ample time. This could be anywhere between 18 months to three years, depending on the period you have been together before the betrayal.
If you are committed to fully building trust again, patience is key. Imagine you are nursing insecurity, disbelief, sadness, anger, and maybe shame. To let go of all these, you must take one loving step at a time, and eventually, you will heal.
Final Thoughts
Rebuilding trust and opening up is possible after a breach of trust, whether in one’s life or in other sectors like business or work. However, its worthiness will depend on your relationship needs and whether you believe it is possible to trust the offender again.
If you choose to make things work, rest assured it will take some time. But if both parties are committed to rebuilding trust and opening up to one another, you will realize that you will both come out of the rabbit hole stronger than you could imagine.
